New Walton’s Video – Hunger Games Spoof

Riley: Here we have the organizer of this year’s Cornucopia. What’s the plan?
Organizer: Hello. Each contestant has had one item stolen from them. If they can find their item within the first three minutes, they have an extra life out on the Cornucopia.
Riley: Sounds like a good twist.
Organizer: It’s a good twist.
Announcer: Eight will enter, one will leave. Eight will enter, one will leave. Welcome to the fourth annual Hunger Games final. The final is upon us.
Riley: Competitors left: Mary, Jar— all right, shh. The one question on everyone’s minds: if someone gets injured out there, will you stop to help them?
Competitor: I will not. Absolutely not.
Riley: Have the three of you formed an alliance?
Competitors: No. No.
Riley: Austin, you’re by far our youngest competitor. How do you feel?
Austin: I feel I’m ready. I’m ready. I’m going to take them on. I’m going to do it for the senior boys.
Riley: B, you’ve never seen this spectacle. How do you feel?
B: Without watching it, it looks pretty awesome.
Riley: Who do you guys think is going to win this Cornucopia?
Crowd: Jill. Jill.
Riley: Jill, you’re the early favorite to win this thing. How does it make you feel?
Jill: Am I?
Riley: You are.
Jill: That’s way more pressure on me.
Riley: What’s your strategy?
Jill: Well, it used to be running and hiding. Now I feel like I just need to play smart.
Riley: Mary, you look nervous. What’s your strategy?
Mary: Just to stay alive.
Riley: Paul, a lot of people are wondering: what exactly is a Cornucopia?
Paul: Well, to my understanding—the way I understand it—a Cornucopia is… corn. It’s a copious amount of corn. It’s, uh, a lot of corn.
Announcer: Eight will enter, one will leave.
Riley: Jenna, I’m rooting for you.
Speaker: I’m okay if she wins. I really—if she wins, I’m okay. I’d be very happy if a boy wins.
Riley: Hey Mary, what if you win?
Speaker: If Mary wins, it’s okay too. It’s okay.
Riley: From Jared over here—the old Jared, the oldest contender in the competition—how does it make you feel?
Jared: Older and wiser.
Riley: Drum, you’re a little late. Does that mean you’re a little nervous?
Drum: No, I slept in. But it’s all right. It’ll be all right. Don’t have time to be nervous. I’ve got to win.
Riley: So, ladies, the traditional winners of this event have been men. How do you feel about that?
Women: We’re going to win. Girl power.
Riley: We weren’t sure if you were going to show up. What’s your strategy?
Competitor: I think that the late show, you know, puts everyone on their toes. Take them by surprise.
Riley: Are the eight remaining competitors good?
Speaker: They’re all so good.
Announcer: So here’s how it works: each of you has had something stolen from you. You’ll know it when you see it, and it is somewhere out here. It’s starting in five, four, three, two, one!
Competitor: Oh, these are mine! I got them! I got an extra life!
Announcer: Peyton going straight for the sponge. Oh—and Drum is out. Looks like Shelby’s out. Looks like Jared’s out. Mary is out. Looks like Hayden, Jenna, Austin, and Jill remain.
Austin went in— and it looks like Austin has his second life and [is] going in for a kill.
Crowd: [Applause] Announcer: Unholy alliance!
Crowd: [Applause] Announcer: And that’s it. Jenna got Austin—an unbelievable hit. They’re trying to revive Austin. Clear this— post-interview will play again. He will—
Speaker: No, he’s out. He’s dead.
Speaker: There’s always next year, Austin.
Announcer: Hayden’s going rapid-fire, but missing badly. Jenna and Jill— and Hayden’s gone.
Number two: Jenna and Jill, both of you are allowed to pick one bodyguard.
Crowd: Jake!
Announcer: No big surprise there. Jake’s chosen as a bodyguard, and Tall Paul the other bodyguard. If your bodyguard is hit three times, they are out, and you no longer have a bodyguard.
It’s all come down to this. Chico State well represented here. One-on-one begins.
Captain— the deflection! The crowd is throwing— the crowd wants to see death!
Speaker: I want bloodshed!
Crowd: [Applause] Announcer: And that’s it. And that’s it. Jill has won! Jill took down Jenna! Girls’ night out! Girls’ night out! Girls’ night out! Woo!
Riley: How does it feel to be the runner-up?
Jenna: So good. So good.
Riley: Will you be back next year?
Jenna: Oh yeah.
Riley: Hayden, you did well in there. You threw a lot of water balloons. Nothing really hit. How do you feel?
Hayden: I am so disappointed in myself.
Riley: Austin, I know that’s not the outcome you were hoping for. How do you feel?
Austin: I feel pretty good. I’ll take a final four appearance in my first full Assassin as a counselor. I’ll take that.
Riley: You guys went out early in the competition. How do you feel?
Competitors: Not impressed. Not impressed. Next year, strategy was off.
Riley: Riley, well done running that. How do you feel?
Riley: Thank you. I feel very accomplished that I could assist our first female victor in being champion.
Riley: Jake, people are dying to know: do you feel like you’re partly responsible for the victory out there today?
Jake: Not at all, man. It was all Jill. She did a great job. I was happy to be your bodyguard.
Riley: Can we get a final word from our champion?
Jill: That was awesome. That was really awesome.
Riley: Riley, last year Gus Walsh organized and ran this event, and it was, uh, in a word, chaotic.
Speaker: No one’s going to hit a grandmother.
Riley: What’s your deal?
Speaker: I decided to be a coach. I’m just here helping out, setting up.
Speaker: All right, just some Mike and Ike candy.
Jack: How do you feel about that?
Speaker: I don’t like that. Two winners? Not cool.
Riley: This is Parker’s armpit cam, coming in from Parker’s armpit, live from Parker’s armpit. How do you feel things went down for you out there?
Speaker: My mom—
Riley: Jill’s in the Cornucopia for the first time. What’s your strategy, Jill?
Jill: Um… not much of a strategy.
Crowd: We love the— [inaudible] Crowd: [Applause]